Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in is front yard and hung a sign on it saying
“Free to take to any good home: You want it – you take it.”
For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal; looks too good to be true; so he changed the sign to read
“Fridge for sale $50.”
The next day someone stole it.

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was North because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun rise in the North?”
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, (and has for sometime), she shook her head and said, “Oh, I don’t keep up with that stuff”. . .

I used to work in technical support for a 24×7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the
call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, hence the name 24×7” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?” Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific”…

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but “didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving”. . .

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It’s designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount…

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. “Now,” she asked me, “has your plane arrived yet?”

Tem aquele cara que estava andando nas ruas do centrão do Rio e viu um camelô com uma barraquinha vendendo rãs. Eram aquelas rãs grandonas!
E havia uma placa que dizia: RÃ CHUPA-PINTO!!!
O cara perguntou:
-Que merda é esta?
O vendedor disse:
-É uma espécie especial de rã que eu desenvolvi e que chupa um pinto como ninguém…
O cara ficou desconfiado, mas como estava meio mal com a mulher, e a rã era barata, resolveu experimentar e levar uma.
Voltou mais cedo pra casa, e quando, no final da tarde, a mulher chegou de volta do trabalho, encontrou aquela cena:
O cara estava na cama peladão, com a rã no ombro, de olho arregalado, lendo junto com ele um livro de receitas culinárias.
A mulher puta da vida perguntou:
– Que porcaria é esta? Você na cama pelado, com esta rã horrível no ombro e ainda por cima lendo um livro de receitas?!!!
O cara olhou pra mulher e disse:
-Se essa rã aprender a cozinhar, você tá perdida!!!