The Penis requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons:
has to work hard;
has to work at great depths;
has to work upside down;
has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work;
has to work in a high humidity environment;
has to work at high temperatures;
does not get weekends and holidays off;
does not get time off after extra hours of work;
has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness.

Request denied for the following reasons:
does not work 8 hours in a row;
does not answer immediately to all requests;
after a short activity period, falls asleep at work;
shows no fidelity to the workplace;
retires too early;
does not work at all unless pushed from behind;
does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work;
sometimes leaves work, too early.

A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone.
A few days later, he received, by telegram, this report:

MOST HONORABLE SIR:
YOU LEAVE HOUSE
I WATCH HOUSE
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE.
I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OUT OF TREE. I NOT SEE.
NO FEE,
CHEN LEE.

Top Ten Times in history when saying ” F _ _ K ” was appropriate:

10) “What the f _ _ k was that?” – Mayor of Hiroshima

9) “Where did all these f _ _ king Indians come from?” – Custer

8) “Any f _ _ king idiot could understand that! ” – Einstein

7) “It does SO f _ _ king look like her!” – Picasso

6) “How the f _ _ k did you work that out?” – Pythagoras

5) “You want WHAT on the f _ _ king ceiling?” – Michaelangelo

4) “I don’t suppose it’s gonna f _ _ king rain ?” – Joan of Arc

3) “Scattered f _ _ king showers… my ass!” – Noah

2) “I need this parade like I need a f _ _ king hole in my head!” – J.F.Kennedy

And the number one most appropriate use of the “f” word….

1) “Who the f _ _ k is going to know?” – Bill Clinton