A guy is driving around Dublin when he sees a sign in front of a house:

Talking Dog For Sale

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard and just to go through. The guy walks into the backyard and sees a Labrador sitting there.
-“Are you the talking dog?” he asks.
-“Yes,” the Lab replies.
-“So, what’s the story?”
The Lab looks up and says:
-“Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the Garda about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a load of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
-“Ten euros,” the man says.
-“Ten euros? This dog is amazing. Why are you selling him so cheap?”
-“Because he’s a lying bastard – he never did any of that shit!”